Posted by irresponsibility
I am finding it increasingly hard to justify buying woman’s magazines. They read like self-hatred indoctrination manuals. And they are insidious.
The crude “look who’s put on five pounds!” Heat-style covers have given way to the sinister sophistication of magazines like Grazia (“Voted magazine of the year”) – a de facto weekly reprogramming lesson for any woman who dare posses a smidgen of self-esteem.
In the firing line this week is Angelina Jolie. “Out of hiding – but straight into therapy” the headline thunders. The star has had the temerity to stay off the red carpet for a whole three months since giving birth to twins and her return obviously couldn’t pass without comment. And what comment: “Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie couldn’t have looked happier…. Their cool, relaxed body language was as flawlessly orchestrated as their wardrobe,” (italics mine) the opening paragraph murmurs.
They looked happy. Their affection was flawlessly orchestrated. Because heaven forbid they might actually be happy, or genuinely take pleasure in each other’s company. That would rob Grazia of their opportunity to sneer and whisper.
After mentioning again that “Angelina went into virtual hiding” (for chrissake, she just had twins. You’d better believe if she’d been out on the town a week later Grazia would have shrieked about how she was neglecting her maternal duties) the article proceeds to accuse Angelina of craving “more time and space to herself” – how dare she! Then alleges: “most of [Brad’s] complaints were just about his desire for her to be nicer to him.”
His desire for her to be nicer to him. Dear sweet lord above. Poor, poor Brad. The hard-working, intelligent, beautiful mother of his children isn’t nice enough to him. Jesus. Does she have six children, or seven?
Lest we be in any doubt who is the good guy, the article goes on to say that Brad wants the family to move to New Orleans because: “Brad wants the kids to have family connections and spend time in the backyard doing normal things like having BBQs”. We’re not told what Angelina wants. Presumably she is somehow standing between her offspring and a fulfilling life of charred-flesh scoffing in the Deep South. The bitch.
After its snide commentary on her ‘performance’ as a mother and partner, Grazia attacks her career. “It’s often easy to forget that Angelina Jolie is an actress. And when you do remember, it’s hard to imagine that she’s actually any good. Well, isn’t she just Brad Pitt’s other half?”
Because of course, it is a syntactical impossibility to suggest that Brad Pitt is Angelina’s “other half”. And the notion she has a serious career is, well, laughable. Obviously she was just playing at making movies till Brad galloped past on his white horse to whisk her into a fulfilling life of procreation and being criticised by Grazia. She has won an Oscar and he hasn’t, but still… “it’s hard to imagine that she’s actually any good.”